Run With Scissors
Doing the unthinkable, I run with scissors. This kind of weaponry is on me as I go around the park at this time of day. Toast to my cardiologist, he speaks of my organ like he wants to cut the cord off of it with his teeth. The tellers of the folk lore expect the worst, expect a Samurai’s death. A seppuku with a pair of scissors but I eyed down the loophole and it is more of a tunnel. The pair of scissors don’t got to be in my hands while I run for it to be valid, it could be in a Ninja Turtle backpack during the action of running. It could also be made of plastic, the messenger and the message sender are hoping for horse shit at the sight of a horse. A seppuku with a pair of plastic craft scissors is a tough watch, just don’t know how you could wish that upon someone. Just baby jabs to the body like a boxer that is nearing retirement in fight night round 3. Expecting a pair that a seamstress would have everytime is unrealistic. So I run with plastic scissors from the plastic factory and nothing happens out the ordinary. I don’t know what to do with these now, they are lime green and they hurt my eyes when I see them. Maybe they can be a spare shoe horn but I already have a couple laying around somewhere. I don’t really cut papers anymore, I rip them up with my hands like an adult. Especially if it is mail from Fedex, asking me to paid for some duty fees and I pretend to not see. I’m a darn adult, i’m allowed to use the paper shredder if I have too. The recycling people make me rip up carboard boxes and plastic so that they can fit into the bin, I can’t do that with my hands. Well, I can but I feel ashamed of myself when I start to break a sweat. I don’t want to be caught with safety scissors, I don’t know what I got to say for myself. The one day I finally have company over, they are gonna be nosy ass hell as usual and check the drawer. I’m banking on that it will be roofers that are working on my house that will be the first company I have over, one of the workers fall through the ceiling and they gotta spend time inside the house fixing that hole. Possibly a burglar will meet me in my living room one of these days, face to face because I like to live in the living room. All the doors are locked with a job site office door lock, its a real cage match with my first potential company. They will see the plastic safety scissors and think i’m retarded, which is not nice at all. It’s either i’m retarded, i’m too suicidal to be near silverware, or i’ve been expecting stray kids to come over. None of those are nice at all, especially the last one. None of those are a good look for me, even me running around the park is not a good look. It’s all caged up until mid morning to keep the illegals and the criminals out, so you have to run around the park on the road. If I run with scissors pointed away from me for once, the cougars playing tennis might look away for once. There’s something about slashers that don’t get air time until the jewish pumpkins start to get a bit chilly.