Stacked Shoeboxes
You be careful with those shoeboxes buddy, there’s a gun in one of them. I ain’t took none of your talent show shoes, don’t you ask me all these questions while your looking for something like that in my house. I was a damn fine shoe salesman in the 70s, door to door and in store. Your handling pure made in USA chuck taylor shoeboxes, put them down and scram! I don’t care if you think i’m a hoarder, I will never throw these away. You go do that in front of a police officer, i’d like to see you try not get cuffed like an honorable man planting babies before marriage. They don’t make them like they used to, everything I fought for in war did a 180. Those shoeboxes are as respected as the flag that they made you salute in grade school. What’s it to you if I don’t use a gun locker for the gun, this ain’t the got damn Tonight show with Johnny Carson. I don’t got people in and out of here, hosting then guest appearing. Sometimes I like to take the box with me down by the lake while i’m fishing, some people use silly spear guns but not me. A little gun powder on the fish ain’t gone hurt no body, just like cajun seasoning Only you would come in here to check the shoe boxes like some podiatrist that lost their license, next time you’re getting wee wee sampled before walking up on my porch. I keep the heavy hitting artillery in the locker. Let me guess, you keep a slingshot in your locker? Don’t you tell me about gun safety, i’ve been to war son. Sure, I was making burgers for the boys at the base but it still takes one to know one. Now, go stack them boxes the way they were before you ransacked them without a warrant. Don’t slam that shit on the ground either, I wasn’t joking about the gun. If it goes off and cracks the tiles on the floor, i’ll find them shoes myself and shove it where it hurts to sit. I don’t give a rat’s ass if those shoes were Giorgio Armani, I ain’t got them. Some gigolo must have broken into your place for them, I heard patent leather wipes off clean. Why do you even have talent show shoes anyways? Since when did you have talent to begin with? Everytime I see someone wearing patent leather shoes, it’s always some city sucker. Aspiring to limit themselves by staying away from nature as far one can, even the homeless are brainwashed into being the animals for the city. Anything natural is lobotomised and turned into statues. If you really were that talented, you won’t even need those shoes. Hell, even New Jersey has a hall of fame. Let this be a lesson, leave the glamour for the con-artists and showmen. These burglars are secretly showmen, they would never reach for these made in USA shoe boxes. Committing crimes in god knows what, parisian silk lace bloomers for when climbing into windows. The darn deed to the house is in one of these boxes, even the scammers won’t know a good scam if it scammed them right under their nose. These dang stacked shoeboxes outlived my wife and they’ll out live you if you don’t leave.