Vaseline Scream
The healing power of Vaseline unfortunately has its limitations. One surprising limitation when it comes to the body lotion is sex, it’s not for sexual use. This must be a new ground breaking discovery, I doubt many people still know to this day. It’s so terrible for sex that it has its own section on Wikipedia, just a triple decker sentence about potential infections. Debuted 150 years ago, who would have known that this rod wax would be terrible for your rod. I bet Steamboat Willie dipped into the rod wax a couple times, Walt probably sinned during the making of that mental imagery but good ole married man Mickey didn’t. The petroleum jelly was first manufactured in Brooklyn, not mentioned enough just like Tootsie Rolls being born there as well. It must have been foreshadowing for the unforeseeable future of Brooklyn. Yeah, Manhattan as a whole has been cutting since ’09 but we can’t act like they weren’t bulking decades prior. The healing power of Vaseline was effective with heavy breathing mobsters with only custom tailored bespoke suiting that influenced modern Big and Tall stores. When you need custom Giorgio Armani suiting because the liberal cuts are not liberal enough, that’s when your wife starts leaving flyers for the local cardiologist in the sport section. There’s only three things keeping Vaseline in business and cardiac sonographers are one of them. Everyone is tough until the cold petroleum jelly get smeared on your body with the gun and you have to turn to the side to see what’s wrong with you on the inside on a little screen with a stranger that is wearing all blue. Another thing that is keeping Vaseline in business is ashy people. I won’t say who’s the ashy people, we all get dry skin but some people reach for the lotion more than others. There used to be many ashy people in Brooklyn, which is oddly convenient. As time goes on, these people buy Vaseline less and discover the good stuff like these different non-edible butters. Coincidently, for some reason a bunch of these people are being kicked out of Brooklyn slowly day by day and new neighbor by new neighbor. The last thing that is keeping Vaseline in business is crazy people. I understand that some tough guys rub that diesel jelly on their cuts but most tough guys just tape it up and keep it moving. You are a crazy person if you use Vaseline on your cuts, you’re crazy because you were prepared. You had a jar on hand, so you had to have been looking for some trouble. They rub this stuff on the cuts of Boxers or MMA fighters after each round, those people fight for survival for fun and money. Those people are so buck wild that they hire other people rub that stuff on them for a living. I recall this one time during my grade school days, a couple of knuckle head settling their dukes in an alley after school. Despite it being an amateur adolescent fight, unspoken rules we mentally laid. You were a woman if you tried to wrestle, hands only. On this day, one of the knuckle heads brought the jar of diesel jelly and smattered it on his face like he had a goal. I assume the goal was to wrestle the other sapling down and use the jelly as an escape advantage. The first move of the alley way debacle was a leg kick from the Vaseline vandal. Well actually, it was this weird scream prior to the kick. It sounded like an exhale from a person who’s belt buckle lead to slapping a pair of nuts. Following the leg kick came the most predictable charge for a leg takedown, the normal knuckle head moved out the way but the telephone pole didn’t.