Porch Pirate
A shelter that is the size of two cargo containers resides down hill, the delivery man parks at the top cause he’d be dead if he tried to round the cul-de-sac to go back. He feels his knees go to his shins when he walks back up after dropping off my mail. All that work is saluted with a drink and a bag of sunflower seeds left in a cooler near by the porch. All that work is gone to waste some days! It seems like pirates have evolved from roaming the dead seas to the strolling the shores of a dead end. A fucking porach pirate has frequented these ground when I’m not around. The coward doesn’t even knock on my door to see if we would fight for it. He is bastardized, something out of a Disney movie. He’d be raped in the prisons of Thailand before he rapes any woman. No sword on him, maybe keys for the place he needs to be but keys sound like loose change. Ditched the coats and trousers for some sweats, neither the coat or trousers can retain the sweats of guilt on a hot day. I’ve learned that even with barbed razor wire, you can’t keep animals out. My prized possessions have left me before even making it into my possession. Tossed in a alley somewhere when they find out it is as valuable as me. I can’t think higher of myself if I can’t even filter my water in peace; i’m literally missing the piece. From the second story bathroom window, i’ve seen him walk onto my kingdom and fear none. Neighbor ain’t seen none and I hope that it stays that way when it happens again. They told me to not bring my guns to town, left them back in my old haunted home. The ghost roam near the locker, the housesitter could hear the lock rattle. Cornmeal and rum will get me in shape to handle this like a series of seven. The red coats comes out on a business day in the suburbs, during the day. The buzzsaw comes for all and that’s even for the buzzards. My guns left back home but I couldn’t go alone to this new place without my bayonet. Freshly trimmed hedges, this rake will do after I rake the trimmings. The bayonet has a new landing on the end of this rake, it’s red so it matches fate. I ordered a medicine ball from the net, I could have bought it from the local sporting store but I got a plan instore. The slender porch pirate gone struggle to take this up hill, forty pounds for him to figure out. Extra sunflower seeds for the delivery man, he’s more of a man than the porch pirate will ever be. Express shipping is paid for, in one to five business days I wait behind the bushes. For delivery day, an ambush charge reminiscent of the commonwealth is set for the day.