Ogre In My Silo
There’s an Ogre in my silo, I can see em through the window! The cops won’t believe what I see, I refuse to be the laughing stock of the town like the fella named Rasputin. About 44 of us would be writing down notes by now but I can’t just leave the pigs to themselves, they might explode from the lack of sweat like Francisco Lazaro. The darn wife is away for her side of the family’s holiday but she has the spare keys to the gun locker, I left my set of keys in the tool shed. She made me lock away my lever action rifle because I was getting too good at taking down the lizards from the top window of the house to the barn. The lizards scared the chickens and ate the eggs, those are my eggs. I’m not in the wrong, I like lizards but you don’t see me eating their breakfast. Dumb ole wife thought my prestige marksmanship was getting scary, it shouldn’t be scary. She should be proud of me, what’s scary is a man not knowing how to protect his family. Last time I chopped down a tree, she laid out an air mattress for the tree to fall on. Luckly, I keep a spare hunting shotgun with a folding bayonet hidden in the walls of the guest bedroom, it’s no lance but Lance ain’t lived to see me reload it. We never have guests over. Man just look at that fat fucker out there, living interest free in that silo and eating my animals one by one. He must be on a diet because he’s not even touching the corn, wheat, beans, or rice. I’ll be honest, I don’t wanna go out there and kill that Ogre. I mean i’d do it if I wasn’t scared to do so, I need some motivation. Motivation like a hollering women and children or the ship that they are getting into. I like to describe myself as a tough guy to the people down at the local Lowes when they aren’t looking or listening. I became a farmer to cutout the middle man and because I only have to talk to the suits once in a while when they want to buy some feed. I’m no tough guy, i’m just a hard working guy. If I kill a wolf, it’s not because I want to. That wolf was messing with my money like it was sent down from wall street. Forget about the wolf, I got a fucking Ogre in my silo! At least with a wolf, I can use the fur for some slippers or the lining of some pockets. You can’t skin an ogre, that’s probably a qualification to become an Ogre or a part of a newly discovered tribe. What am I supposed to do with a dead Ogre? That might be considered murder, I need to look up the laws. In the right light, this fella might looks like a fat Mark Eaton if he was more ugly and has a failing liver. It can go one or two ways and both are not in my favor. The coppers will see the dead ogre and assume that I just killed a farmer, it’s 1919 all over again. I lose the whole land and my wife, it’s like the land came with the wife. The other way it could go about is that this could all blow up, blow up in my face but the eyes light up for the greedy men. I would become the first man to hunt down an ogre, the public would see an ogre for the first time outside of a Dreamworks movie. My land starts to flood with reporters, which is the last thing I want. With my luck, I get scolded for killing it. It’s the whole alien scenario; you are not going to catch an alien without shooting it. I know that the people on my will would love to believe that this may be my big break and the publicity will help me sell more feed. I could give two skillets about selling more feed, I don’t want more people bugging me. Damn it, now he’s taking a shit near the crops. He’s shitting out bones near the vegetables, shitting out bones with ease. I already have the suits pestering me if my feed is organic or not, that’s probably worst than pesticide. I should call OSHA on that bastard, let them handle it. I’ll say he’s the boss and he likes to go barefoot into the silo, could cut up his foot going down the ladder you know. I’d like to see them try to find shoes for the fella, that’s if they could even hold him down long enough. Maybe it will go away if I ignore it for a couple days; the internets says nothing about how to kill it. I’ll tell the wife to take her time over thar, i’m back on the porn again.