Standing Outside The Liquor Store
I’m outside, by the no loitering sign. I’m not even sure why I picked the liquor store as the place to be picked up at, it smells over here but there’s some shade and a dark alley just incase I have to go wee wee. Don’t worry, I come in peace. I’m too young to drink alcohol, I prefer other beverages. I need to get back on pure milk, I heard it will make my fingers stronger. I bet that Keith Richards drank all the milk the tour bus could supply him. Just waiting for my mom to pick me up; I thought I was a shoo-in for the carpenter job. I drove an hour away, they says on the mobile phone that I can start today. When I got there, the manager said I was too gay to start today. Darn baby face of mine; maybe if I started wearing black and became a closeted racist years later then maybe I will be taken more seriously like Hulk Hogan. I’ll figure out one day, one day into the future. Man, where the hell is my mom? I hope the clerk doesn’t call the cops on me, I don’t even know if he’s noticed that i’m out here. If the cops do come, I might crap my pants. I technically do have a purpose for standing around outside but it really does look like i’m loitering when you step back and look at the bigger picture. I’m not a mugger, I can’t think of any kind of criminal I would be. Maybe and I strongly say maybe, in the off chance that everything lines up perfectly then I could see myself as an accidental flasher. The talon zipper had to tear from the tape of my khakis suddenly, the puffer coat is shorter than expected, my underwear had to have been thrown away in the trash can for some reason, I took dad’s flintstone vitamins instead of mine, and the cameras on the four way intersection had to been working crystal clear on that day. I should be fine, the clerk hasn’t called anyone on those other guys. To be fair, those other guys are keeping the lights on at this store. Calling the cops on those guys is bad for business, the number cruncher in the back has the clerk by the strings like Geppetto. Just look at some of these people, are you really gonna call the cops on the local wheelchair man? The man is missing a leg and his teeth, he can barely hold a cigarette in his mouth. He always just ends up burning his chin, it’s nostrils and a chin keeping the cigarette afloat. He should switch over to dip, he can dip while he’s strolling along in his chair. This whole suspicious alley way should chip in to get this old fella a spit cup holder installed into the spokes of his wheels, it’s the least we can do for this veteran. I think he is a veteran, his hat says army on it. I know the hat is from this same Liquor store but what are the odds of a legless old man stealing valor. His actual army hat could have been left behind with his leg, who knows. Oh man, i’m starting to regret choosing this place as the spot to get picked up. Too many suspicious people are roaming the premises, they all have loud hand shakes for some reason. I’m starting to get bored, slowly fighting the urge to pull out the lego stingray with a skateboard and this optimus prime figure from my shirt pocket. Can’t call an audible now, my mom knows i’m going to be here because I told her that and I will stand by that. I must stay strong, I am the stingray in the room full of tough guys. If anyone asks where I got these figurines from, I stole it from the Burlington coat factory not far from here. They’ll never know that these possessions have been mine since the two summers ago. Man, I would have been a great carpenter. My scoutmaster would vouch for me, I got my woodwork merit badge way before the woodpecker could knock down the morning wood. Whatever that means. I’m telling you, just gimme a full summer with a mini fridge that has two fresh gallons of milk each monday. They’re gonna be sorry when they find out about my finger strength, I will be the first carpenter with grip strength stronger than a rock climbing crab that also drinks milk. Darn finger nails gonna be screwdrivers when i’m done with them. When I consensually tickle someone, they might explode and crumble from the brute strength of the tickle monster. For crying out loud, don’t you hate it when too many people drive the same car as your mom. You know what she really needs? One of those pedophile vans that my grandpa drives, you don’t see those out as much anymore.